“Right, God, if you exist,” I said “and if you will reveal yourself to me, then I’ll do whatever you ask of me for the rest of my life. I’ll give you a month but then, if nothing happens, I’m going to get on with my own life and my own plans.”
Me in 1978
1978-9 had been a really weird year and I just wanted it to end. I’d done everything I could to shake it off – but it had just got worse and worse as the months went by – that powerful feeling that wouldn’t leave me alone. It had haunted me, day and night. What was happening to me? Was I going crazy? I couldn’t even put into words what it felt like. It was just . . . well . . . powerful !
But then I got to thinking – what if there is a God, and I’m going against him . . . oh dear, I don’t fancy my chances!
Reveal yourself to me
I wasn’t interested in what anyone else had to say. It would take more than words to make me believe. I wasn’t willing to be convinced by anyone except God Himself. So that’s when I said “Right, God, if you exist, and if you will reveal yourself to me, then I’ll do whatever you ask of me for the rest of my life. I’ll give you a month but then, if nothing happens, I’m going to get on with my life and my plans.”
That wasn’t a very gracious prayer – but it was sincere. So, with some reluctance I decided that I’d better do my bit. I’d go to church for that month – and I’d read the Bible. Chances were that nothing would happen anyway.
It didn’t take a month. It’s hard to explain now how many ‘coincidences’ seemed crowd themselves into the following days and weeks. And it wasn’t just what was happening on the outside – it was what was happening inside me. I just knew. I didn’t really want to know – but I just knew. I knew for certain – it was absolutely undeniable!
I have to say that it was with very bad grace and a very heavy heart that I made the reluctant decision to walk away from plans that had been important to me and settle for a life that I could only imagine would be . . . well . . . not much to look forward to. But I’d promised God, hadn’t I? And anyway – I didn’t fancy going back to doing battle with that powerful force that had haunted me for the previous year.
Continued to answer
Now then – when I’d prayed “If you will reveal yourself to me” all I’d had in mind was that God would prove to me that He existed – that’s all. I didn’t understand back then that that prayer was exactly the prayer I needed to pray! And that word “reveal” would turn out to be far more critical than I could possibly know when I prayed it!
Little did I know, back then – that He wouldn’t simply enable me to know that He exists – but that He would answer that prayer by revealing Himself to me.
And little did I know then that He would bring me to be absolutely enthralled by Him – by all that He is, by all that He does. But that’s a long story.
“I pray that I may be rooted and established in God’s love for me and have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ for me. I pray that I might know this love that that is beyond human comprehension so that I may be filled with the fullness of God.”
Dear God, I want to know everything about you that you want me to know. Show me who you truly are; what you are really like; how you see things; how you think; how you feel.
Please soften my heart towards you – and share your heart with me. Reveal yourself to me more and more – so that I can know you better and enjoy you forever. Amen“
That prayer is the most powerful prayer I know – it’s been life-changing for me. Knowing God, His character and His power brings insight. understanding and reassurance in these dark times.
If you don’t know if there is a God or not, you might like to try praying that prayer. And even if you do believe in God, it’s still a powerful prayer.
So that’s where it all began!
But God was about to intervene some more